Avoiding Sins

Well I was bitterly disappointed that when I attended weightwatchers (WW) for the first week on Monday I'd actually PUT ON half a pound!
Admittedly I kept my shoes on this time and I had lost inches because I've built muscle at the gym but still, in terms of the numbers game I was extremely deflated.
Also, being back at Uni has thrown up all sorts of temptation, the main one being alcohol. Even though we are on the verge of exams, booze seems to flow most nights resulting in at least one person I know ending their night with their head over the toilet bowl. Classy!
I've managed to stay away from alcohol so far, busying myself with revision which is always fun and sticking to soft drinks in the evening when I go out because I know alcohol has a huge effect on my weightloss, more so than over-eating.
Well it's Wednesday and I've somewhat gotten over my self pity of Monday. My WW leader said that because I'm not overweight in the first place and I generally eat healthily it may take a while to kickstart and start shifting. The result: I'm going to stick at it! I must admit even though the scales didn't tip in my favour, I still feel better than I normally do (pre return to WW). ED seems to have been demoted to the dog house for now as I'm eating regularly and healthily.
Here goes to another week of avoiding the sins!

A donut is less fattening than that salad!

It's amazing how misguided people can be.
I've been at the library this morning and my friend wanted to grab some lunch so I went with him. He doesn't know about my ED etc. but I knew he was trying to lose a few pounds too.
I'd brought my own lunch but we went to the cafe to grab him something. He picked up a salad bowl (believing it was healthy and took it to the till).
I knew from looking that it wouldn't be the low calorie option. It had potato salad, bacon and coleslaw in it.
When I looked at the wrapper it had a whopping 526 calories and 7.8grams of saturated fat, that was a lot more than the huge donut that had been sat on the shelf next to it.
Indeed the salad will have a lot more nutrients and vitamins in it than a donut but still...
who thought I'd see the day when I'd say 'a donut's less fattening than a salad!'

No bottom, No fat, No guilt!!!

No bottom, No fat, No guilt; the slogan that came with my Nando's fat free frozen yoghurt... the first time I've allowed myself dessert for a long time... and I didn't feel guilty. OK so it wasn't a big slab of cheesecake but hey, one step at a time.
All seems to be going well so far.
I've stuck to my weightwatchers and am eating a surprising amount (because its all healthy food)
What's more ED has been kicked out the door (well at least into the back garden) because I have something else to concentrate my energies on.
I haven't used numbers (other than the points) and I haven't weighed myself!
Looking at my little tracker of the food I've eaten over the last few days, I realise I've allowed myself more food than I normally do, and I feel a lot more awake and healthy.
BUT... most of all I feel slimmer, I feel how I did when I joined weightwatchers for the first time (before ED)
I'M IN CONTROL.... it feels so great to say that.
I have been in the gym everyday but it's been healthy exercise not working myself to exhaustion for 3.5 hours at a time.
BF has joined the gym too so spurs me on whilst also secretly (he thinks) keeping an eye on me.
Definitely the best move I've made in a while and such a contrast to how I was feeling this time last week... I just hope it lasts and I'm determined to stick to it and go for a twice monthly weigh in even once I hit my goal weight again.
I'd recommend it to anyone who not only wants to lose a few pounds but, especially for people with ED because it gives you back the control by focusing your mind on other things.
.... Baby Steps!!!
Gecko x

Back on Track

Well, so far so good, no numbers other than my weightwatchers ones.
I rejoined weightwatchers on monday evening and haven't looked back. It's certainly giving me a focus and I'm enjoying eating healthy meals without bingeing and no starving either.
Also, my peppy mood probably has something to do with being back at the gym since tuesday which has been awesome...
not sure how I will manage for 3 months in the summer when I go home!
Staying cheery for now :)
Gecko x

the NUMBERS game

This morning I found that everything was about the numbers...
numbers of calories, numbers on the scales, numbers in the waistband and numbers on the tape measure.
WHY must I live my life in bloody NUMBERS.
So I've decided that for a whole week I'm going to cut out the numbers!
I'm not going to weigh myself, I'm not going to look at the calories in what I eat (although I am going to estimate the weightwatchers points so that I don't go overboard). I'm going to eat healthily and when I'm hungry and I won't measure myself. Can't really do much about the waistband measurements (unless I cut them all out!)
... wish me luck!!!

Bacon Butty!

Well this morning started in disastrous style. And what's worse is I can see my self slipping back to old habits. I haven't purged since December... I'm trying so hard to keep that streak up.
I love the sun and now that the weather's picking up I thought it would brighten my mood. But it's shortlived as I realise it means less covering up... less hiding.
My mum suggested measuring my weight loss with my clothes rather than NUMBERS, so I tried my white linen pants on from last summer. They're a size 8 and rather than making me look like a slim 20 year old I felt like the back end of a POLAR BEAR!
 
I love bacon butties and I haven't turned down a weightwatchers low fat bacon muffin on a saturday morning for over 6 months... until this morning.
I know this is a step backwards and a trigger to catapult me back to ED... so then the sensible voice in my head says EAT THE DAMN BUTTY and you won't slip back.. or at least there'll be a delay...
 
But I can't. I don't want it and I can't stand the thought of a bacon butty shaped piece of fat stuck to my hip... that's a thought to put anyone off their breakfast... except my dad that is!

Food Fury

That little voice in my head has so much power it's ridiculous.
I noticed that I can spend all day trying to convince myself that I am 'OK' and then it surfaces and says

YOU ARE FAT!